anger
They get angry and lash out. What do I do in the moment?
5 min read
Aggression is nearly always fear, pain or loss of control expressed by someone who has run out of other options. In the moment, step back and lower the pressure — do not reason, do not restrain, do not finish the task. Afterwards, look for the trigger, because the same one usually repeats.
What to try
- 1Stop what you are doing immediately and take a step back. Give them physical space and a clear route out of the room.
- 2Drop your voice and slow it down. Say very little: "Alright. I will stop."
- 3Leave the task. Come back in ten or twenty minutes and start again from the greeting.
- 4Afterwards, write down what happened just before it — the trigger repeats far more often than the mood does.
What to avoid
- Arguing, correcting, or explaining that they have got it wrong.
- Physically restraining or cornering them. A cornered person escalates.
- Continuing the task to get it over with — that teaches them that resisting does not work, and it will cost you more next time.
- Taking it personally in the moment. Process it later, with someone else.
Triggers worth checking first
- Personal care, especially anything involving undressing or the bathroom.
- Being rushed, or being given more than one instruction at a time.
- Discomfort they cannot put into words. You do not have to work out what it is — that is a question for their doctor or care team.
- Noise, crowding, a television on in the background, or too many people talking.
- Being contradicted or tested.
Afterwards
They will usually have no memory of it within minutes, while you will carry it for days. That asymmetry is one of the hardest parts of caregiving. Tell someone what happened rather than filing it away.
How this guide was made
Written by
Written independently for Riparo. It is not copied or adapted from any organisation’s material.
Evidence checked
Some key points have been checked against published national dementia guidance; others have not been.
Reviewed by
Not clinically reviewed. No clinician has checked this guide.