crisis
I do not think I can do this any more.
5 min read
Reaching this point is common and it is a signal about the level of support around you, not about your character. The thing worth doing first is to tell one real person today — the GP, a carers helpline, or someone close — and to ask for a carer’s assessment.
What to try
- 1Tell one person today. Say the actual words: "I am not coping." Understatement gets you understated help.
- 2Call a dementia or carers helpline. They will talk to you now, and they know what exists locally.
- 3Ask the local authority for a carer’s assessment in your own right — you are entitled to it regardless of what they need.
- 4Book your own GP appointment. Caregiver depression is extremely common and very treatable.
- 5Identify the one task that would help most if someone else did it, and ask a specific person to do that specific thing.
What to avoid
- Waiting until it is worse to ask. Services respond to stated need, not to visible suffering.
- Describing how well you are managing when you call. Describe what you cannot do.
- Treating rest as something to be earned.
Respite is a legitimate need, not a luxury
Day services, sitting services, and short residential stays exist precisely so that caregiving remains possible. Using them earlier tends to prevent the crisis that forces a permanent move later.
What "coping" actually looks like
Most people caring for someone with dementia are not coping in any ordinary sense — they are absorbing the gap left by services. The fact that it is hard is information about the situation.
How this guide was made
Written by
Written independently for Riparo. It is not copied or adapted from any organisation’s material.
Evidence checked
Some key points have been checked against published national dementia guidance; others have not been.
Reviewed by
Not clinically reviewed. No clinician has checked this guide.