recognition
They do not recognise me. Should I correct them?
4 min read
Usually no. Insisting on who you are asks them to accept a loss they cannot hold on to, and it tends to produce distress rather than recognition. Answer warmly to whatever name they use, say your name naturally as part of the greeting, and let the relationship carry the moment instead of the label.
What to try
- 1Lead with your name as a greeting, not a test: "Hello Mum, it’s Sarah" — then move straight on.
- 2If they call you someone else, answer to it. Being present matters more than being correctly identified.
- 3Use familiar cues: sit where you always sit, bring the usual drink, play music they know.
- 4Give it time. Recognition often returns later the same day.
What to avoid
- Asking "Do you know who I am?" — it is a test, and failing it hurts.
- Arguing, producing photographs as proof, or showing that you are hurt.
- Assuming it is permanent after one occasion.
Why it happens
Recognition depends on matching a face to a stored memory. Dementia can damage that match while leaving the feeling intact — which is why someone may not know your name yet visibly relax when you sit down. Many people also recall a younger version of you, so a middle-aged daughter is read as a sister.
It is allowed to hurt
Not being recognised by a parent or partner is one of the sharpest losses in caregiving. Managing it calmly in the room does not mean it did not land. Tell someone afterwards.
How this guide was made
Written by
Written independently for Riparo. It is not copied or adapted from any organisation’s material.
Evidence checked
Some key points have been checked against published national dementia guidance; others have not been.
Reviewed by
Not clinically reviewed. No clinician has checked this guide.