wanting to go home
They keep asking to go home, but they are home. What do I say?
4 min read
"Home" here is usually a feeling rather than an address — safety, familiarity, being needed, often a childhood home. Arguing that they are already home fails because the place they mean no longer exists. Answer the feeling, keep them company, and let the request soften rather than trying to defeat it.
What to try
- 1Respond to the emotion first: "You want to be somewhere that feels right. Stay with me a bit."
- 2Ask about the home they mean — who was there, what the kitchen was like. Reminiscence often dissolves the urge entirely.
- 3Offer a small anchoring routine: a cup of tea, a familiar chair, a favourite piece of music.
- 4If they are heading for the door, walk with them rather than blocking. A short walk that loops back home usually ends it.
What to avoid
- Insisting "This IS your home." It reads as being contradicted, not reassured.
- Explaining that the old house was sold, or that a parent has died.
- Physically blocking the door, which turns distress into a struggle.
When it happens matters
This peaks in the late afternoon and early evening for many people. If yours follows that pattern, treat it as part of the same picture as restlessness at dusk: more light earlier, a calmer late afternoon, and less demanding activity after about four o’clock.
If it is relentless
Some days nothing shifts it, and you will end up simply sitting alongside someone who is unsettled. That is not a failed technique. Presence without a solution is still care.
How this guide was made
Written by
Written independently for Riparo. It is not copied or adapted from any organisation’s material.
Evidence checked
Some key points have been checked against published national dementia guidance; others have not been.
Reviewed by
Not clinically reviewed. No clinician has checked this guide.