losing and hiding
Things keep going missing and getting hidden. What do I do?
3 min read
Hiding valuables is usually an attempt to keep them safe, and the hiding place is then forgotten. The practical fix is to reduce what can be lost, learn the handful of places they favour, and keep duplicates of anything that causes a crisis when missing.
What to try
- 1Learn their three or four usual hiding places and check those first — most people reuse the same ones.
- 2Keep spares of keys, glasses and anything essential.
- 3Reduce the number of loose valuables in circulation; keep one small handbag or wallet with a little cash in it.
- 4Check bins and pockets before emptying or washing.
What to avoid
- Accusing them of hiding things on purpose.
- Settling on “it is the dementia” before you have asked whether it could have happened.
- Tidying their things away without telling them, which increases the sense that items are disappearing.
- Turning a search into a group event — the fuss raises anxiety and makes recall less likely.
When it becomes an accusation
The step from "my purse is gone" to "someone has taken it" is short, and where nothing has actually happened it is usually a memory gap being filled with the nearest available explanation — which is why the accusation so often lands on whoever is there most. Knowing that does not stop it hurting, but it stops you reading it as a verdict on you.
And sometimes something has happened
Both things can be true at once. People with dementia are among those most likely to be stolen from, and an accusation is not proof of confusion any more than a diagnosis is proof of theft. Before settling on an explanation, ask whether what they are describing could have happened — particularly where money or bank cards are involved, where the person accused is a paid carer or a regular visitor, or where the same thing keeps happening. Deciding which it is is not your job and not this app’s. It is a question for someone whose job it is.
How this guide was made
Written by
Written independently for Riparo. It is not copied or adapted from any organisation’s material.
Evidence checked
Not checked against published guidance. Treat this as a starting point and confirm anything important with a professional.
Reviewed by
Not clinically reviewed. No clinician has checked this guide.