being understood
How do I talk to them so they understand me?
4 min read
Dementia slows how fast speech is decoded and shortens how much can be held at once. Short sentences with one idea each, a pause of several seconds afterwards, and closed choices instead of open questions do more than volume or repetition ever will.
What to try
- 1Get attention first: come from the front, at eye level, say their name, then wait.
- 2One idea per sentence. "Here is your tea." Pause. "It is hot."
- 3Count to seven silently after you speak — processing takes much longer than it used to.
- 4Offer two options rather than an open question: "Tea or coffee?" not "What would you like?"
What to avoid
- Stacking instructions: "Get up, put your shoes on and we will go to the car."
- Questions that test memory, such as "Do you remember who visited yesterday?"
- Talking about them to someone else while they are in the room.
- Raising your voice unless you know there is a hearing loss — volume rarely fixes comprehension.
The five that help most
- Approach from the front, never from behind.
- Say who you are if there is doubt, without asking whether they know.
- Use their name at the start, then leave a gap.
- Show as well as tell — hold up the cardigan, point to the chair.
- Match your pace to theirs.
When they cannot find a word
Wait first. If they are visibly struggling and looking to you, offer one guess. If it is wrong, move to the meaning rather than offering three more. Finishing every sentence for someone teaches them to stop trying.
How this guide was made
Written by
Written independently for Riparo. It is not copied or adapted from any organisation’s material.
Evidence checked
Not checked against published guidance. Treat this as a starting point and confirm anything important with a professional.
Reviewed by
Not clinically reviewed. No clinician has checked this guide.